Begin Again
by bethanyhallen
Summary: "I love you," she tells him before she reaches her destination. Just before she gets there she feels him stiffen, he uses the hand that's been combing through her hair to stop her. "Wait. Back up, what do you mean by the boy that you 'gave everything to?"
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

A/N: This idea came from a post by CMcCord25 on twitter. I haven't stopped thinking about it since I saw it. I'm not a writer but I had to give life to that post. I hope you like this story as much as I loved the idea of it. Not been beta'd either so I am sorry for the mistakes. Thank you again CMcCord25 for letting me use the idea, all credit goes to you for this! One of three chapters...hopefully :)

She's crying on the couch when she hears the keys in the lock, Kate's laughter slightly muffled coming through the thick wood. Facing away from the door keeps them from seeing the tears streaming down her face and the redness and puffy skin around her eyes.

"Meet me in the bedroom and I can prove it to…" her father's voice trails off and she wishes she could erase that statement from her memory.

"Alexis?" She hears him ask when the door closes behind them.

Of course they seem surprised to see her there. She hasn't texted or called them tonight to say she would be stopping by…even more she hasn't been by the loft in close to a month.

The whole 'getting serious with the boyfriend' thing takes up a lot of time.

And they had got serious.

Very.

She loved Ashley, her high school sweetheart, her first love. But what she had felt for Max was something entirely different.

Now it's over.

So she came here, to her child hood home, the place she feels safe and whole. Finding no one home when she arrived, Gran was at the theatre watching as one of her former students wowed on Broadway, her dad and Kate still at the precinct at seven-thirty on a Friday night, she stayed anyway wrapped up on the couch in a cashmere throw. She may be grown, but sometimes even now, she needs the comfort of home and someone to tell her everything would be all right.

He kneels down beside the couch, hand light on her back. "Are you okay?"

She gives it to him, he's calmed down a little since she'd been kidnapped, but his words are still laced with worry.

Her face crumbles when she starts to speak, "Max and I…we broke up."

She can actually feel the tension leave his body.

"Oh, pumpkin…what happened?"

There are times when she needs her dad. Actually, he's really all she ever has needed growing up. But here are some things that shouldn't be talked about with your father.

This is one of those times.

"Actually…I'd really rather talk to Kate," she tells him, turning to see him deflate just a little.

"Sure, Kate…You're up," he says, glance up at Kate who's been busying herself in the kitchen. Hot chocolate he thinks.

Kate made her way to the couch where the two are waiting for her. She'd heard what Alexis had told Castle so she'd reached out and rubbed Alexis' arm that laid along the back of the sofa.

"You don't mind?" Alexis asked her. Granted they'd gotten much closer since her father started dating Kate, but she wasn't sure if Kate would feel comfortable talking to her about this. Because Alexis herself was having a problem with it.

"Of course not, sweetie, I've told you before. You need me, I'm here."

And she had been. Kate had really never let her down.

"Upstairs?" Alexis looked at Kate, hoping she would understand what she was trying to say.

And with that Castle watched as his daughter and his girlfriend made their way up the stairs to the room still full of Alexis' things.

He wasn't jealous…Not at all. Not jealous.

No.

Except he was a little.

But he was happy too. Seeing the two most important people in his life, his daughter tucked under Kate's arm on their way to have a conversation that he wasn't a part of. Sharing secrets together, secrets he wasn't allowed to hear.

No he's not jealous.

She comes back down the stairs after close to an hour; there had been tears, anger and then more tears. Kate had told Alexis she would eventually find her way back to herself and then proceeded to tell her about her first adult relationship…granted hers had not lasted or been as serious as Alexis had been with Max but it seemed to help all the same.

She'd left the girl for the night promising if she needed anything, she would be there for her.

Walking into the bedroom she found Castle in bed with his laptop. Hopefully finishing the final edits of "Deadly Heat" that were overdue.

"Alright Mr. Castle, if I remember correctly you have something to prove to me," she says to him breaking him out of his concentration.

He's been waiting for her for almost an hour, the scene he'd been editing just happened to be a Nikki and Rook scene, that may or may not be based on a Thursday night spent in Kate's claw foot tub. That he's ready to prove something to her is the least that can be said.

He wants her. But there are things he needs to know first. He's torn.

"I know that look on your face writer man. Go ahead, ask me."

He smiles softly at her as she finds her way to his side of the bed. Makes him scoot over while she takes his laptop from him and sits it on the night stand, sits by his hip facing him she kisses him lightly once she's settled.

"How is she?" He asks, taking one of her hands in his.

"It's her first real relationship Castle…She's heartbroken"

She watches as his face falls a bit.

"Castle, you can't protect her from everything. This is just part of the growing up process."

"Yeah, I get that but…Why didn't…why couldn't she talk to both of us," he decides to stop with where he's going, "What I mean is, I am so happy that she can talk to you."

"Oh, wait you're jealous."

"No, I'm not!" He says cutting her off.

"Yes, you are," she says, humor behind her words.

"No…Okay, maybe a little. But I am also happy that she feels close enough to you that she would want to share her heartbreak with you, trusts you enough for that," he tells her grasping one of her hands in his pulling her to him until she's practically sprawled over him.

"Castle, I'm happy about that too. Of course there are just some things a girl can't talk to her dad about…I understand that." She lays her head on his chest as his hands start to make small circles on her back.

Of course she understood that. It hadn't even crossed his mind until this moment.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I never thought of it like that."

"It's okay, really. I am thankful I had her for times like this though. When the first boy I felt something for, the first boy I gave everything to dumped me for someone else, she was there."

It's moments like this when she's reminded that her mother will never get to meet the most important person in her life. This amazing man who, in spite of everything she threw at him, loved her. This man who could break down whole walls and fight dragons, her mother would never know she found him.

She rises up to kiss the underside of his jaw, her lips making their way to his. "I love you," she tells him before she reaches her destination. Just before she gets there she feels him stiffen, he uses the hand that's been combing through her hair to stop her.

"Wait. Back up, what do you mean by the boy that you 'gave everything to'?"

"I mean the boy I gave everything to, Castle."

"You don't mean…"

"Yes, Castle, the boy I ever had sex with," she can tell he's working out some type of puzzle in his own mind.

"You're telling me…You're saying Alexis and Max..." he's lost all words, he's lost all thought, he's just gone.

Oh shit. She wasn't thinking when she had spoken before. With one conversation she's broke a confidence and broke Castle, apparently. She lifts herself from him to sit up completely.

"Castle, you can't have thought that nothing was going on with them…Not after how serious you've seen them getting?" She said her voice low hoping that wherever he's gone in his mind he can hear her.

"I guess on some level I knew but…I don't know..."

"Well, discussing your daughters' sex life is something we should definitely not be doing."

"Oh see, you said it again, don't do that," he tells her covering his face with his hand.

She does her best to hide her smile. Of course this is how he would react; his baby girl is not really the baby he tries to pretend she still is.

"Castle, listen, she's a grown woman. She's mature and responsible enough to make the right decisions and she loved Max enough to want to experience that with him."

The rational part of his brain knows this but really never wanted to know the truth in any way.

"Can we just pretend that this never happened that you never said anything, that I never heard anything?"

"Sounds good to me," she tells him leaning down to kiss him again.

She does her best to help him forget it too.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Sadly they don't belong to me.

A/N: Here's the last chapter, I had so much fun with this story. I hope those of you who read it will enjoy it! I want to thank all of you who have reviewed, I really appreciate it! This hasn't been beta'd so please forgive my many mistakes.

Alexis had stayed at the loft since her breakup, it's been a week and he loves having his little girl back under his roof. In fact, having both Alexis and Kate under his roof had really made this past week one of the best.

But as of nine-forty-three this morning he could have been declared brain-dead, maybe he's had a stroke, maybe an aneurysm but it's now ten-twelve and he hasn't moved. Not a muscle. He's standing in the second floor guest bathroom and this is where they will find his body.

He's asked himself why he felt the need to help Lea, the cleaning woman, with the trash this morning. He was just being him, being helpful. Running up the steps to grab a book Alexis asked him to bring to campus that she'd forgotten that morning Lea had asked if he would help gather the bags from the bathroom trash cans upstairs. She'd forgotten them after she did her usual cleaning on the second floor of the loft. No, he didn't mind.

That would be his cause of death.

Maybe cause wouldn't be it, but it definitely was the gun that the bullet came from.

He'd gone to his mothers' room and then the guest bathroom.

Castle stands with the bag in his hand, noticing the heaviness but taking in the fact there were only a few Kleenex lying in the bottom. He was Castle; of course he was curious as to what was in the bag.

The little pink box the Kleenex was obviously supposed to hide came into perfect view after he shifted them around. He was trying to reign in his breath, calm himself until his heartbeat returned to normal.

He shouldn't panic anyway. There was no reason to panic. He didn't even know the results that are going to be showing on that little plastic stick that was inside.

He couldn't do this. No this was something private and if Alexis didn't want to tell him yet then he couldn't invade her privacy as he so wanted to do. Instead he ties the bag together and takes it downs stairs so Lea can finish for the day.

He does his best to go on about his day like he had planned. His meeting at Black Pawn is at eleven and he would be meeting Beckett and the boys as soon as that wrapped.

He forgets to take the book to Alexis.

How he managed to make it through a two-hour meeting without his head exploding, every question, every thought he had flying out into the room for all to see, he is still not sure.

When she sees him she knows there's something on his mind. He's sitting in his chair listening to her ramble off all the new case notes she's made today. The interrogation he missed out on. He doesn't interrupt, doesn't throw a crazy theory at her, nothing. There's something not right with him today.

"Castle, everything okay?" She finally asks after over an hour of silence, he's reread the same witness statement for the past twenty-minutes; yeah something is on his mind.

"What?"

"You haven't turned the page since you picked up the file."

"Just making sure I've got everything down," he says, turning the page since she called it to his attention.

"Uh, huh," she doesn't look away from him though.

He can feel her eyes on him. But he doesn't want to bring it up here at the precinct. Doesn't want to bring anyone's attention what may or may not be happening with his daughter.

By seven he's starving and he can't sit in his chair anymore today.

"Dinner?" He asks her.

She looks over at him from where she's standing at the murder board. She's not ready to leave yet, wants just a little more time here, she's close to working something out, connect the dots, she can feel it. She can't leave yet.

"Um, no you go on ahead. I'll be home soon," she tells him, sits on the edge of her desk then returns her attention back to the murder board.

In a day that has thrown him off his axis and left his mind wondering is space her calling the loft home makes him smile. She doesn't even realize she does it anymore. She doesn't live at the loft really. But she spends more time there than at her own apartment. It's been weeks since they've even spent a night apart.

There's no one around when he makes his way over to where she's perched on her desk, kisses the crown of her head. He whispers his goodbye against her hair and then makes his way to the elevator.

He really had no intention of calling her when he pulls the phone out of his pocket but she answers on the third ring.

"Hey Alexis, want to grab a bite to eat with your old man?"

She hates when he calls himself that.

"Sure, where are we going?"

Kate is leaning up against the headboard when they come in. She hears him moving around the kitchen, a cabinet opening then closing, glass knocking against glass. Fifteen minutes later and he's still in the kitchen.

Crawling from beneath the covers she goes to find him. He's standing in the kitchen, head down leaning over the counter. Opened bottle of scotch next to an empty glass.

He knows the moment she's near him, he can sense her at his side before she runs a hand down his back her other wrapping around his bicep.

He's lost after his dinner with Alexis.

When he can put his words together, he'll tell her all about it.

"You ready to talk about what's had you trapped in your own mind all day?"

He huffs out a laugh but really there's nothing funny about what he's feeling now.

"Where's Alexis?" She asks him. The girl has stayed at the loft the past week and she knows her absence tonight must mean something.

"At the dorm."

"Castle…"

"I confronted her about something tonight...She said she'd be at the dorm when she left me sitting at the table after dinner."

"What did you confront her about, Castle?"

He takes a breath and lifts his head.

"I found a pregnancy test in the bathroom upstairs."

"What?" The word comes out of her mouth no louder than a breath.

"Yeah, she'd tried to hide it, but I saw it. I wasn't going to bring it up to her. Wasn't going to until she decided she was ready to tell me. After today, Kate…I just…I had to know. One day of not knowing if…I had to know. She's my baby and if she needed someone…I wanted to be there for her. I wanted her to know that whatever the results whatever she decided I would be there for her no matter what."

"Cast…" she starts to interrupt him but he doesn't let her. Just keeps trudging on.

"She didn't say anything. Wouldn't tell me anything, didn't deny anything…told me to talk to you."

That's when his eyes meet hers; they pierce her in their fierceness. He's angry…with her.

"So you know, huh?"

She nods her head yes.

"Tell me…Was it negative or positive?"

He's put some distance between them, backed himself up until he's against the refrigerator.

She doesn't want to tell him. Not while he's still so upset but this is not something he's going to let go for the moment.

"Positive," her voice low. She watches him take it in, watches him deflate a little.

"How could you not tell me, Kate? How could you keep something like that…" he stops, he's not going to make this about him. He's upset still but there's a bigger picture and he sees it.

"So my baby is having a baby of her own and I'm going to be a grandpa?"

The question is rhetorical.

She answers anyway.

"No."

It doesn't sink in what she's trying to say to him.

"What? You just said…"

And the moment she's been waiting for for two days is here. This isn't how she planned it. No, she had reservations, candles and a new nightgown and a box containing the first of the two pregnancy tests she had taken.

"I said, the test was positive but you're not going to be a grandpa."

He finally inhales and exhales even slower while he wraps his mind around what she's alluding to.

"You're going to be a dad. Again."

The smile that breaks on his face is one she knows she'll remember for the rest of her life.

"You mean…you're, we're…You and me," his brain is broken again. Twice in a week that's a record. "We're going to have a baby?"

No this wasn't planned and she never thought she would be a mother; she's scared, scared she won't be a good mother, scared how she'll be both detective and mother. But she's never been scared of how he would take the news. Never been scared of what kind of father he will be.

It calms her so when he says 'we'.

"Yes," the word is out and he is on her.

Arms wrapped around her bringing her body flush with his, he's kissing any part of her that he comes in contact with. Her shoulder, her neck, check, nose, forehead, chin, other check, another quick stop at her nose again, her smiling mouth. Bends down and kisses her flat abdomen through her shirt. She's laughing, silly, loving man. He pulls back from her, hands framing her face, kisses her mouth again.

He's reeling with what she's just told him.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you. I wanted it to be special."

He's smiling down at her. "Kate, it was perfect." And he's kissing her again.

She breaks away and rests her forehead against his.

"I love you, Castle."

"I love you, Kate, so much."

He's imagined this moment a hundred times, believed in it when the possibility was so far away. When ex-wives and doctors and blonde stewardesses kept getting in the way, he believed.

"You think you should call your daughter, tell her what she probably has already pieced together?"

He laughs lightly, he probably should. The phone call goes surprisingly smooth.

Alexis had figured it out in a split second what he took almost all day to understand.

She's happy for him, for them. She's finally getting that baby brother or sister he promised her she would have someday.

They say goodnight with a promise to see her the next morning for breakfast.

"Kate, one question," he says as she leads him to their bed, "why the upstairs bathroom?"

She's pulling him down with her to the mattress, his body covering hers.

He's still grinning like mad and she's never been this happy.


End file.
